I have spent a good part of my life in church, however, I have also spent a good part of my life avoiding church. I have a past (insert gasp...). Shocking, right? Oh wait, it isn't that shocking, because everyone has a past. Everyone has made mistakes at some point in their life, and while some learn from their bad choices, others fall flat on their face. These mistakes define some people, and some people choose not to let their past dictate their future. However, you deal with your past, the fact is... YOU HAVE ONE. I fully believe that I have been forgiven for the mistakes I have made, and I have forgiven myself for them as well, but not everyone is able to do that. As a believer, I have witnessed a few very BIG mistakes that other believers are making, and it is preventing the non-believers in your life from wanting to know God.
STICK WITH ME HERE...
There are 3 key issues that I have witnessed over my 29 years as someone who has been both on the inside and on the outside of the church. I think these mistakes are being made very innocently and almost involuntarily, so I would like to challenge every believer that reads this blog to change these flaws, if you have them. I am not calling anyone out, and I am not pointing fingers... however, I know that recently I have dealt with a lot of these flaws head on and it has pushed me away from a church that I love.
1) Believers need to be transparent. This is something that adults, especially women, seem to struggle with so much. For some reason, we want people to see us in this glorious light. We want people to think that we have everything under control, and to an "outsider" this comes across very fake. We have pasts, we have presents, and we hope to have futures. All 3 stages in life are filled with mistakes, and we all have flaws, so instead of hiding your flaws and covering them up, own them. Let people know that you are human, and that you are grateful that you know a God who is forgiving when you make a mistake. We can be proud of our strengths without feeling humiliated about our flaws. Being FAKE & OPAQUE is perceived as lying if you are on the outside looking in. So, own your hot mess, and give God the glory that he deserves for getting you through that mess each day.
2) Believers need to be less judgmental. It is NOT our job to pass judgment on others. Look, it up in the bible... it doesn't say THOU SHALT PASS JUDGEMENT ON YOUR NEIGHBOR.
Matthew 7:1-2 says this...
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged,
and with the measure you use, you will be measured."
Non-believers and believers alike CONSTANTLY feel judged. I feel judged as a mom, a friend, a wife, a daughter... you name it, and I feel judged. The worst part about being judged is that you are never given the right to defend yourself, and that is not a good feeling. The biggest problem, however, isn't the ACTUAL judgement that we pass on each other. It is the gossiping that accompanies that judgement. It isn't enough for us to think this in our own head, we have to share it with others. One of the most common things I hear from non-believing & non-church-goers that I know and love is... "Christians are fake and judgmental." We, as believers, are getting a bad reputation, and that isn't going to make anyone want to know the God we adore. So, how do we fix this... well, it isn't as simple as minding your own business. We are supposed to be the hands and feet of God, so instead of passing judgement, ask yourself the simplest question of all. What would Jesus do? He would show love, compassion, and empathy. He would he helpful and not hurtful, and he would never make anyone feel judged unjustly.
3) Believers need to stop acting sanctimonious.
self-righteous, narcissistic, hurtful, hypocritical, smug, holier-than-thou, insincere...
Would you want anyone to use the words in the list above to describe you?? Google sanctimonious, and you will find that by definition it means "Making a show of being morally superior to others." Beneath that definition you will find a list of synonyms that looks almost identical to the list above. Acting sanctimonious is one of the most off-putting things to a non-church-goer. So, let me make this VERY simple...
YOU ARE BETTER THAN NO ONE.
Looking down on people benefits no one. Your ego may get bigger, but that is not helping you grow into a better person. The person you feel is beneath you, is now hurt. And, believe it or not, you might actually be leaving a permanent scar on them. No one person is better than another.
A very wise woman who I have had the pleasure of knowing posted on Facebook the other day...
"Living for an audience of one."
I couldn't agree with her more. Instead of focusing on others, why are we not more focused on ourselves.
If every believer focused more on the BIG PICTURE instead of getting lost in the little picture, there would be a lot less hurt, and a lot more believers. Unfortunately the 3 things discussed above all go hand in hand. When you do one, you do them all. So, from one believer to another, I am challenging you. Instead of getting defensive from feeling convicted... CHANGE YOUR FOCUS. Be the hands and feet of Jesus and focus on pouring his love out to those you know. Everyone has made mistakes, so get up, dust yourself off, and own it. Be the good, and show them God!
