Corner of Happy & Peace

The calm after the storm is often something people forget is coming.  It is something I forgot about.  Sometimes the storm is so harsh that it has the ability to change the landscape, and our only focus becomes survival.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with focusing on survival, but it can feel very overwhelming and seem endless.

What I forgot about is the calm that follows the storm.  It is peaceful.
There is clarity with peace.  There is happiness with peace.

These days I find myself hanging out on the corner of Happy & Peace.  The road here was broken, and the storm I drove through was horrible.  The good news is, when I look in the rear view mirror, the storm is already gone!  All I see is blue sky, and it is beautiful.

Life has a way of swallowing us up from time to time.  Some of us face it all head on.  Some of us drown in the stress.  No matter how you deal with challenge, from time to time you will find yourself standing in the middle of the pouring rain.  Have you ever been in the rain, and suddenly get hit with hail?!?!  It has happened to me both literally and figuratively!  Sometimes when you think it can't get any worse, it does.

I wanted to take this opportunity to remind you that no matter what you are going through, the storm will eventually pass.  There will be a day in your future where you realize that what you see in your rear view mirror is no longer dark and black.  What you will see is beautiful blue skies.  You will find yourself in a calm that is more peaceful than you dreamed it could be.

If there were never any challenges in life, you wouldn't appreciate this calm.
I have heard before that we should learn to dance in the rain.  While this thought is all good and sweet, it is hard to dance in the hail.  Sometimes the storm is so bad, that dancing is the furthest thing from your mind.  If you can't dance in the rain, watch the horizon.  The storm won't last forever, and you will find the calm soon.

Embrace It

Confession, for the last 7 years of my life, I have dreaded the holidays.

I know how terrible that sounds, but I am an open book, and I can't lie and say that I ever really looked forward to them.  When I thought about "the holiday season" all I could think of was stress.  Stress consumed me.  I am a perfectionist by birth, and everything about the season needed to be exactly what I pictured in my head.  The picture perfect Pinterest holiday is what I needed and what I expected.  

Disappointment is caused by unmet expectations.  This is legit, one of the most profound things any human has ever said to me.  Lower your expectations, and your risk of being disappointed won't be so high.  That doesn't make me a pessimist, it makes me a realist. ANYWAY...

My expectations every single year were sky high and year after year the perfectionist inside of me failed to deliver the image in my head of what the holidays were supposed to be.  

ENTER 2017

For the first time in almost a decade, I have enjoyed everything about the holidays thus far and I am looking forward to the rest of the month and beginning of the new year.  I have never felt peace like I do now.  I have never rolled with the changes like I am able to now.  I have never embraced the chaos... until now.  

Family has always been the most important thing to me.  However, when you move hours and hours away from all of your family it becomes difficult to spend time together.  I never imagined I would get the opportunity to be back in North Carolina, and back within driving distance of almost everyone that I love.  

Thanksgiving was spent surrounded by family, and just a couple of weeks later, Christmas part 1 was the same way.  I get to do it again 2 more times!  Christmas part 2 and part 3 will be fun days spent with people that I love, and that is the most perfect holiday that I can dream of.  

After what we have been through this year, and all of the changes that have happened in the last 3 months, family has never been more important than it is today.  I can't spend enough time with them.  I am so beyond grateful for every minute that I have been able to spend with those I love the most!

I am so happy to be back in North Carolina.  

This is home.  This is happy.

I hope that anyone reading this is surrounded by loved ones this holiday season.  I hope that you know how precious that time spent together is, and you embrace it.  

Merry Christmas 

Elsa Knows Best

Life is full of ups and downs.  No matter what hand you have been dealt you experience both happiness and hardships.  It is how you react to both of those things that determine your character.  Can you embrace the happiness & face the hardships?

They say what doesn't kill you makes your stronger, and I have had a few people tell me that isn't true.  Yet, I stand behind that statement fully.  I have faced a lot of uphill challenges in my 32 years, and I am still here writing about them, so none of them have killed me.  From each one, I have learned something, which means I have in fact become stronger and smarter. 

I have flaws, many in fact.  And yet, I am able to reflect on just about everything that has happened in my life and used those reflections to teach myself what to continue doing and what not to do.  

The most recent of those challenges however, is one that no matter how much reflection and time passes, I am certain that I will never understand.  As this is a fully public platform, I have chosen to remain vague in an attempt not to slander the name of someone whom my children will love forever.  However, his choices in the recent months have left me somewhat speechless.  Speechless is something that I have never actually experienced before!  I can't make sense of what happened, and that is something I have needed in the past in order to find true closure with any challenge.

Have you ever accepted an apology you never received?

I have.  By accepting an apology from someone who never actually apologized, you can move on.  You acknowledge to yourself that you have been hurt in some way.  You acknowledge to yourself that the person who did the hurting, likely didn't do it maliciously.  You acknowledge that you aren't going to continue to hold it over that person or dwell on it.  And you let it go, Elsa style.

Some things however are just impossible to forgive without an actual apology.  You know that you can't just forget it and move on, especially when it is something that changed your entire world.  Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds.  But time does make it easier to stomach what happened.

Every day things get a little less "strange" and become a little more "normal".

Every day things get a little less sad.  

Every day you get a little less angry.

Every day you get closer to Letting it Go.

Elsa really did know what she was singing about.

LET IT GO.  LET IT GO.  TURN AWAY & SLAM THE DOOR.

Breathe deep & just let it go.

I promise you will feel relief.  And you will see happiness that is waiting for you!

"Don't let a bad today, ruin an amazing tomorrow."

Some Days

Some days it feels like nothing I ever do will be enough.
Some days it seems like life will endlessly be rough.
Some days my eyes just won't stop flooding, no matter how hard I try.
Some days fighting feelings makes it impossible not to cry.
Some days I don't recognize the girl that I see in the mirror.
Some days the confusion of what happened couldn't be any clearer.
Some days loneliness creeps in and dominates my mind.
Some days I stare in disbelief at the papers that were signed.

Some days I look ahead and I'm blinded by the future.
Some days I worry that I will fall victim to the rumors.
Some days I could not care less what anybody thinks.
Some days I want to drown the past in the strongest drink of drinks.
Some days I wish you knew that I am doing great.
Some days I don't care enough about you to muster up the hate.
Some days it hurts to know that you found love elsewhere.
Some days I find it hard to pretend I even care.

Some days I find strength that I forgot I knew.
Some days I'm proud of how I managed to get through.
Some days all I can find to wear is a smile on my face.
Some days I love that you aren't here to dirty up my place.
Some days the freedom I now have feels so well deserved.
Some days it feels Ive been released from a 10 year sentence, served.
Some days I laugh because I thought I'd miss you more than this.
Some days I want to thank you for the ultimate dismiss.

Today I am moving on.
Today I am letting go.
Today I have decided that my life will be my own.
Today I am breathing deep.
Today I demo walls.
Today I have decided to not feel guilty at all.
Today I am forgiving.
Today I am closing doors.
Today I give you back the pain you caused me, it's all yours.