What is "Normal"??

I never like to admit it, but I have been watching the Real Housewives of (Insert City... I watch all of them except Atlanta, because the drama is too much for me there.).  I have been watching them since the very first season of the Real Housewives of Orange County aired.  I have watched countless new housewives try and cultivate "friendships" in the various cities, and usually I feel for the newbie in the group.  However, on tonight's Season Premiere of the Real Housewives of New York, the newest housewife, Kristen Taekman, had me feeling something for her and it DEF wasn't sympathy.  

I didn't like her from the moment the opening credits started rolling, because her OPENING LINE that will air on EVERY show is...

"I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed,
but at least I'm pretty."

I was stunned that anyone could be as superficial and arrogant as that statement proved her to be.  Although, I have to admit... every housewife's opening line for this season was HORRIBLE.  None of them said anything good about the housewife who said it.  But, that is NOT the point of this post.  

The upsetting and disappointing part of this evening's show, was the introduction of Kristen's family to the audience.  We are shown her home, and she is having friend's over for dinner.  She starts discussing with Heather, another housewife, her daughter, Kingsley.  Kingsley is 17 months old, and she is unable to walk. This is NOT the part that caught my attention.  

Kristen is discussing leg braces with Heather, and tells her that when their therapist first mentioned braces, she pictured Forest Gump.  This I can actually relate to her on.  When we were first told that my 1 year old needed glasses, I immediately pictured goggles, and I was sad for a while.  The part of the conversation that really struck a nerve with me is when they were interviewing Kristen and she said this...

Kingsley is 17 months old, and she can't walk.  

She should be walking, and I just want her to be, I hate to say it, but normal.

NOW WE HAVE PROBLEMS.  

First, let's discuss that fact that no parent should ever want "normal" for their child.  Why would you want them to be average, to blend in, to fade into the background, and never be different???  No one should ever wish for normal, because our children deserve better than average.

Second, let's talk about what that word actually means, and why using it in this context can be hurtful to many.  Normal, by definition, means to be typical, expected, usual, or to conform to a standard.  Neither of my children are "normal"!!!  It doesn't matter if I am talking about my child with special needs, or without special needs, they are neither one "normal".  Abbie is not special needs, but she didn't take her 1st steps until she was 15 1/2 months old.  That isn't the usual or the expected, so by definition... she isn't NORMAL.  By wishing that her child was "normal", Kristen has in turn called my children abnormal.  This wouldn't be an issue if she didn't meant it in the sense that something is wrong with them, or that they are "broken".  However, that is what she meant, and it is the way her words were presented.  

By putting a label on our children, we are in turn teaching them that labels are okay to use.  Don't you want better for your children than a label??  I know I do.  I want more for Abbie than normal, and I want more for Brady than normal.  I want the best that the world can offer them, and that is so beyond normal.  I do not think that Brady is broken because he isn't walking at 2.  Is he different, sure.  But, different doesn't mean that I think there is anything wrong with him.  He is amazing, truly a gift, and I can't imagine him as "normal".  In fact, I do not even want too.  The same goes for Abbie.  There is NOTHING wrong with being different, and it bothers me every time that I hear someone elude to it being an issue.  

So, Kristen (I know you will never see this), I hope that you are privileged enough to meet some of the families of kids around the country with special needs.  These kids are all by definition, not normal, but they are amazing.  I hope that these families can open your eyes to the fact that it is okay to not be "normal".  I hope that your daughter never feels that you think something is wrong with her because she is "different", and I hope that one day, she can prove to you that "normal" isn't all it's cracked up to be.  

NO GOOD COMES FROM LABELING OTHERS.

Very BLESSED

I read something the other day that bothered me so much that I reread the article this morning, and decided to post my opinion on the topic.  After reading this blog the other day, I explained the premise of it to my husband, and he too disagreed with the logic, and understood where I was coming from.  The blog I read was written by a Christian worship leader.  A man who has spent time in 3rd world countries as a long term missionary, has decided that Christian's should stop using the term "blessed".  The more that I read of this post, the harder I tried to understand the concept, and the more disappointed I became with the friends of mine who shared in this ideal.
I think the problem here, is that the term "blessed" has a few meanings and it varies between a lot of people.
Take this very simple phrase...

"Our family has been very blessed."

This phrase said by 3 different people, might mean 3 different things.  In one family, they translate this into, "God has given so much to our family."  In another family, it might mean "We have our health and happiness, and we are luckier than most."  HOWEVER, in our family, it means this...

"We are aware that we have more than we ever should, 

material & non-material, and we are grateful."

Feeling "blessed" or claiming that you are "blessed" doesn't have to reduce God down to any level.  I fully believe that letting God know that you are grateful for all you have and giving him the Glory that he deserves makes him happy.  The bible is pretty clear on the idea that money and material possessions are not to be "worshiped".  

The bible tells us to be content with what we have.

Hebrews 13:5  Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, 

for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

It also tells us that you can't serve 2 masters, meaning you can't worship money & God.

Matthew 6:24  “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate 

the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. 

You cannot serve God and money. 

BUT, the bible also tells us to be thankful & give God ALL of the glory.

1 Thessalonians 5:18   Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of 

God in Christ Jesus for you.

Ephesians 5:20   Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father 

in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The reason for me writing this blog, is NOT for me to come across as a sanctimonious individual, or to point fingers at any one person, and tell them that they are wrong. I simply disagree with the logic that we shouldn't be grateful for everything in our lives, give all of the glory to God, and tell people that I feel blessed, when I do.
I am aware that I have more than most, and I am aware that I have had opportunities that some people will never get. My saying I am "blessed" is NOT pointing fingers at someone else & saying that God has denied them anything. I do NOT believe that is true. While I feel blessed in the life I know, someone in a 3rd world country feels blessed for reasons that I can't comprehend.
I do not believe that God DENIES things to people. God provides what we NEED, because we are faithful. In our house, we tithe. That means that before we pay any other bill in our house, we give 10% of our income to the church. Some people are rolling their eyes right now, some are feeling guilty... and I do NOT think either reaction is fair. The bible says to GIVE WITH A HAPPY HEART.

2 Corinthians 5:7   Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, 

not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

We feel VERY BLESSED and are grateful for all that God provides for our family. We feel that giving our tithe is a simple way of showing our gratitude. Since I am a stay at home mom, our family survives on 1 income. THIS MONTH, is the first time since I began staying home in October of 2009 that we financially "work" on paper. If you looked at our income and our bills before this month, you would wonder how in the world we were getting it all paid. However, we started tithing in October of 2011. This is the month that we filled bankruptcy. We had no choice but to file. We were relocated for my husband's job and the 2 homes that we owned in NC would not sell. To avoid being sued by 2 different banks (thanks to a law in NC) we filed bankruptcy and surrendered those properties. NOW, you may be thinking "Why is this relevant? Why are you divulging private and personal information about finances?" It is kind of comical to me how talking about money makes people completely uncomfortable. You can actually watch so people squirm when you bring it up! The point of this little story, is to prove that even in the midst of DEFEAT, humiliation, and brokenness, we were GRATEFUL & we knew we were BLESSED. So, we gave to God, knowing that we would provide for us what we need. Notice I said WHAT WE NEED. The bills have always been paid, and we haven't lost anything. FOR THIS I AM GRATEFUL AND I FEEL BLESSED.

If you take NOTHING else away from this post, I hope you will at least take this... saying that you feel blessed doesn't mean the same to everyone. It doesn't reduce God to our level, and it doesn't have to point fingers at people who has been "denied". Saying that you FEEL blessed, is saying that you recognize that you have so much to be grateful for, and you acknowledge that God is good.