R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me!

Play date at our house!
We walked to the park and the fountain!

As a mom of 2 littles, we have many play dates!  We enjoy them very much, and we especially love to host them!  We spend time with school age kids, preschool age kids, toddlers, and infants!  No play date is ever the same, and I think that is part of the reason why we enjoy them so much!  Some kids prefer to relax with their favorite tv show, some prefer a princess party in dressup clothes, and some prefer playing out back... no matter what the preference is, there is never a dull moment!
After spending time with kids from so many different age groups, I really began observing. No 2 parents have the same "parenting style", and it has been interesting to me to see what parents chose to punish a child for in front of other parents!

Let me start by saying this... I came from a home in which punishment was always given if deserved.  It did

Friendly Avenue Baptist Church in Greensboro, NC.

not matter where we were, who we were with, or what we had done... if punishment was deserved... we were punished!  Sometimes the punishment given was worse than others, and those are the instances that I still clearly remember as an adult.  I can vividly remember sitting in the front row of the balcony at Friendly Avenue Baptist Church in Greensboro, NC, when I was about 8.  I was sitting in the balcony, because Walter, an elderly man whom everyone loved, had a huge bag of candy each week.  He was always in the balcony, and if you sat in the balcony... you were able to choose a few pieces to enjoy during church!  2 friends of mine, and myself, made our selection and headed to the front row.  It wasn't long into the service that we were very bored, and decided we would throw our candy wrappers off the balcony to see who's head they landed on.  While it seemed amusing to us at the time, I can see now why people were so upset!  What I couldn't see however, was my mom sitting in the choir, watching my every move.  I also didn't see her excuse herself from the choir, nor did I see her walking down the side aisle straight back to the balcony entrance.  In fact, I didn't see her at all, until she was standing beside me.  The punishment I received was not good or fun for myself or my mom!  She was mad at me for being so disrespectful and completely embarrassed by my behavior... so the punishment was well deserved!

(Mom, I know I have apologized for this many times, 

but I am still very sorry for my actions that day!!!)

The point of this little walk down memory lane, is to prove that I come from a home that dealt out punishment when it was deserved.  My parents expected me to be respectful, honest, and obedient.  My dad was very firm on manners.  No elbows on the table (after a few forks jabbing my elbows, I learned!), say yes mam and no mam, yes sir and no sir, please and thank you.  They taught us to be very respectful of everything we had as well.  Money in our family was tight (if my mom or dad is reading this, they are probably laughing, because tight is really a huge understatement!!) so we had to take care of what we had because we couldn't afford to replace anything.  My sister and I have a huge stash of Beanie Babies, all with tags still in tact. Our dollhouse was always very organized and each piece of furniture was in it's rightful home. Our Barbie's never laid naked, because they were always in a fashionable outfit with their hair neatly fixed.

When we were older, we had a chore chart that my mom had drawn out on poster board.  It looked similar to the picture on the left, but it was a little different.  She had drawn out a game board, and with each chore we got closer to a reward of our choosing!  It gave us something to work towards, and since we didn't get allowances, it was the only way we really could get something we wanted.  The biggest upside to it for me, is that it taught me to respect our home.  We didn't get to move up on the game board for everything.  When we completed our assigned chores we could move forward.  However, if our rooms were destroyed or our beds unmade, we could be moved backwards!  It was a simple idea with so much effect!  My mom doesn't have a picture of her chart, but I wish she did.  It was really a cool concept!  

As an adult, I still have a huge respect for the things we own, as well as the things that others own.  Respect, TO ME, is blanket term. It covers everything from physical items, feelings, opinions, and anything else that can "belong" to someone.  I keep my home clean, because I have a huge respect for this house.  Since we rent our current home, my respect level for it goes beyond it being my home, as it is literally someone else's home.  When I go to someone's home to visit them, I try to leave it the way it was when I arrived.  I do not want to burden anyone with cleaning up after me.  

Our UH OH box!

After a play date in our house, I usually tell people to leave the mess.  My reasoning behind that is I have specific homes for toys.  It takes me a lot less time to put them away myself, than to explain to someone where everything goes.  However, I do appreciate it when a child or a parent attempts to clean up a mess.  If I take my kids to someone's house for a play date, I expect them to take care of the toys they play with and clean up after themselves.  When we have a play date, I do expect for the toys we have to be taken care of.  If a child visits and is purposefully breaking toys... I will take them away, and likely not invite them back.  If Abbie breaks a toy at someone's house (unless it was by accident) she will be expected to give them a toy from her collection as a token of apology.  I recently created an UH-OH Box.  This box is my way of teaching Abbie to clean up after herself.  When we moved, we got rid of a LOT of toys!  She still has plenty to play with, but what she plays with regularly is a small selection!  If she leaves it out... it goes in the box.  She has to do a "chore" in order to get it back.  The chores vary from using a swiffer duster to clean an area of my choice, to cleaning up a mess that Brady has created, to using the handheld vacuum around the kitchen table!  If an item remains in the box for 24 hours... it will find a new home.  GOD FORBID THE ROKU REMOTE END UP IN THIS BOX!

There is a teaching opportunity in every
"wrong" that a child does!

Respect is something that I feel is very important and vital that my kids learn.  I want them to respect each other, their friends, their friends' parents, adults, children, toys, or anything else!  It has really shocked me over my few years as a mom how little respect some parents teach their children.  I am not hesitant to punish my child for harming someone any less than I would for disrespecting someone or their things.  Some parents however, seem so embarrassed that their child has done something disrespectful, that they choose to do nothing.  Doing nothing, teaches nothing.  If you think your child will learn these things on their own, without you teaching them, you are wrong.  In fact, I firmly believe that if someone is not taught early to respect something as simple as a toy, they will grow to NOT respect things with more importance, like their job.  If you do not teach them to respect you are their parent, why would they respect their boss??  If you do not encourage your child to clean up their toys at home, why would they clean up toys at someone else's home?  Or keep their own home clean as an adult?  If their feelings are not respected at home, what makes you think they will learn to respect the feelings of anyone else?  Will they respect their spouse?  Will they choose a spouse who doesn't respect them?

We have to remember that we are talking about children.  Children will make a mess, they will hurt someone's feelings, and they will break things... it is our job as adults to teach them that you need to clean up after yourself, you shouldn't say or do things that hurt others, and you need to respect what you play with or use.  The things that they learn now are the building blocks for the rest of their lives, and I want my children to be respectful.

I would like to end this blog by saying, I enjoy spending time with each of my friends, and all of your children!  This blog is not about any specific person!  It is just a general observation.  I think you are all wonderful parents!  I do NOT think the way that I parent my children is better than anyone else's method.  This was simply my explaination of the way we do things and why I do them this way!

Teacher Gift

Abbie will return to her beloved preschool a week from today!  She is very excited to go back, and I am excited too!  I think the time we have apart those 3 days a week is very beneficial for us, and the bonus is, she really likes school!  Parent Orientation is tomorrow evening, so I thought I would get a little gift together for her teacher.  We are not sure who her teacher is yet, but we love all of the teachers, so we will be happy!

I found FLIPZ chocolate covered pretzels in the $1 section at the front of Target!  I thought this was a big score, mainly because I FREAKING LOVE THEM!!!  However, I bought an extra bag to put another pinterest idea into action!  

This is our final product!  

This was pretty easy to make!  I designed a file on my computer, which can be downloaded HERE, for printing.  I wrote a message on it from my daughter, and used a clasp clip to secure it to the bag!  I wrapped some twine around the top to "decorate" it and I was finished!  

I hope she enjoys them!!

Dating My Kids

As creepy as the title of this blog may sound, there is so much truth behind it!  Relationships require work, and the relationships that I have with my kids are no different.  Derik and I try to go on dates as often as our budget and our schedule allow.  Sometimes we double with other couples we love, but getting out together for some "adult" time in which no one has to check on a child, change a diaper, or listen to whining because those aren't the right pajamas, IS REALLY IMPORTANT!
As a stay at home mom, I spend a LOT of time with my kids.  Some days I think they are just as in need of time without me as I am in need of time without them!  I mean, it is hard to miss someone who is never gone!  I try to spend one on one time with each of my kids, but scheduling that in can be tough.
Today, I took Abbie to the pool.  Just her and I, and she had a blast!  She LOVES her brother, but sometimes she needs time to just be Abbie!!!  Since Brady wasn't with us, she was able to jump right in the pool, eat when she wanted, and stay later than usual!  She had a BLAST, and I got a few cute pictures of her in action.
Derik got to spend one on one time with Brady while we were there, and tomorrow... he is taking Abbie on a date!  So, he will get to spend some time with her, and I will get to spend some time with Brady!

She just loves the water!

Jumping in over and over is her favorite pool pastime!

She was able to swim with 3 of her girl friends today too!  Kalli, Camryn, and Lexi.

Kalli - has the pink swim cap on in the front of the picture

Camryn - has on the purple floaties

Lexi - is not pictured

Random Blonde Girl - she just walked into the picture at the wrong time!!!

Wreath Party!

I have discovered a new love for making burlap wreaths!  I know, I know... me, like a craft, that includes burlap?!?!?!  NEVER!  Anyways... I have made a few wreaths that I posted pictures of on Facebook and Instagram and the reviews were wonderful!

I made these wreaths after I decided to have the party, and I used them as "practice"!  My plan worked well, because I had a pretty clean system on making the second with what I did wrong on the first.  I have never taught a craft before, so this was interesting for me!  Everyone crafts at a different speed, and I had to slow myself down, and actually show people how to do it.  We also celebrated Kristen, one of my fabulous guests, because she celebrated her 30th birthday the night before!  So, I decorated with a few party items!

I chose to hang the birthday banner on 2 spare slats I had from a bed we no longer use!

I didn't want random holes in the wall, and this worked well!

I saw the idea for the name plates on Pinterest, and I loved it!

They are tile caps from Home Depot which cost $0.77 each!  I can wipe them off and 

use them for food labels at parties, name tags, anything!

Everyone was in party mode and ready to make a wreath!

Everyone was hard at work!  Manipulating burlap in these wire frames is a learned trick!

They all did so well, and I was very impressed :).

We had a great time chatting and laughing too!  It's what ladies do best, right?!?!

The ladies all left with beautiful burlap wreaths!  No 2 were the same, and I loved them all!

Thank you all for coming!  I can't wait until the next craft night, which Jessie and I are already planning!

Jessie posted a picture of her wreath on her door today, and it looks GREAT!!!

Thanks for sharing Jessie :).

Meredith also posted a picture of her wreath hanging on her door!  

Looks great Mere!!  Thanks for sharing!

Thank you again for coming!  I had such a great time!

Accepting the Unacceptable

I would never say that I grew up "sheltered".  In fact there are dark facts about my past that would shock some people who think they know me well!  I was, however, raised a Christian.  My family went to church regularly, I participated in Sunday School, Youth Group, and mission trips.  My family experienced several major obstacles, and sometimes it was hard to believe that God's plan in our family made any sense at all.  I never stopped believing he was there though.  I still believe he is there, and I am finally at a place in my life, where I feel like I know him.  I feel like I can talk to him, and I feel like he listens!  This didn't happen over night though.  There have been many many years of confusion, and rebellion.
I do not consider myself old.  I am 28, and will be 29 in March.  However, a LOT has changed in my 28 years of living.  What was considered to be socially "acceptable" when I was 14 has changed more than I can really even comprehend.  Being homosexual was not something anyone discussed.  I have no clue how many gay friends I had, because no one talked about it.  No one questioned me for thinking homosexuality was wrong, because everyone thought it was "different".  We didn't have the internet at our house, so you either had to call your friends, or go to their house!  There was not texting, because cell phones were too new.  It cost way too much to text, so texting while driving wasn't something my parents had to worry about.  When someone I loved was coming back from a trip by plane, you could walk all the way to the gate to greet them!  I even remember going to the airport with my dad and parking at the end of the runway.  We would get out of the car and watch planes fly over our head as they landed and took off.  Sadly, if I took my kids to see that, we would risk being arrested.  We played outside ALL of the time, for many reasons.  If I was inside, I was probably doing a chore or homework, so outside I was!  TV was rarely on, and we listened to songs on cassette tapes.  I didn't have a computer in my house until high school, and I can remember getting kicked offline because someone picked up the house phone.  You could only stay online for so long because you paid for it by the hour!  Video games were Mario, Donkey Kong, and Pac Man machines that you played at the local pizza place.  I expected nothing from my parents, and appreciated everything... but my how times have changed.

A 14 year old today, likely has her own cell phone.  She spends as much time as she wants on it because the packages are unlimited.  Anything and everything on the internet is at her fingertips all of the time.  Including more pornography than one can ever imagine, chat rooms where she can meet people who disguise their age, and sites to purchase anything one can dream of by simply entering a credit card number.  Her friends know what "sexting" is, and likely are doing it.  With apps like Snap Chat, it has become too easy.  After seeing things like the Victoria's Secret commercials, Keeping up With the Kardashians, and music videos with half naked women, I imagine that she doesn't have a very healthy body image.  No matter how beautiful she is, she will never see what she wants in the mirror.  She has friends who play video games like Grand Theft Auto and Call of Duty.  These guys are so numb to the idea of death, that some choose to bring guns to school.  She probably expects her parents to provide everything that she wants, not needs.  Unless she was raised expected to respect adults, then she may even be one of the girls screaming at her PE teacher because she had to walk a mile on the track in the heat of May.  Her parent may even be the one who sides with her instead of the teacher, and has the teacher fired for endangering her child.

What has become socially acceptable, is really unacceptable to me.  How can someone sue Paula Deen for using offensive racial slurs against black people, when they are not black.  The charges may have been dropped, but Paula Deen has lost everything she built for herself.  When did it become acceptable to use words like GD on national TV?  I change the channel every time that a Victoria's Secret commercial comes on the screen.  I can not stand the idea of my daughter seeing half naked models and thinking that is acceptable.  This country is not the country I grew up in.  While some of the changes have been for the good, there are many that have been for the bad.  I pray that my children grow up understanding what is right and what is wrong.  And I will continue to pray that they have healthy self images, work ethics, and morals.

The Mom Transition

Becoming a mom is one of the most amazing, most difficult, and most interesting things that will ever happen to you!  Being responsible for the life of another human being can feel a touch overwhelming!  This little person come into your life after you have suffered through hours of laboring pain.  You had expectations of what this baby would look like, and maybe they were spot on or maybe you missed it by a mile!  Some mothers connect with their babies immediately, and others aren't really sure how this baby fits into their current family.  Some moms cry, some are stunned, some decide the moment they meet their child that everything in the world is now about this baby.  Suddenly you are responsible for the well being, and protection of something completely dependent on you.  It rocks you, it rocks your marriage, and it rocks your family.

I remember the day I met my daughter like it was yesterday.  (I know that is incredibly cliche, but oh well!)  She was early, and I was terrified.  Was she going to be ok? Was I going to be ok?  What if something went wrong and I didn't make it.  Would my husband ever be able to love the baby that ended his wife?  What is something happened to her?  What if she was so early that I couldn't take her home?  Becoming a mom is a whole new world of "what ifs" that absolutely no one has the answers too!  We all wish someone could tell us exactly what is going to happen, as if they could see the future.  Then they would send us off into our blissful family world with a baby manual with all of the "How To's" of being a parent.  Neither of those things will happen, so do not get your hopes up!  Things will likely not go the way you plan for them too, so writing out a 10 page birth plan is really a complete waste of time.  You will not only be disappointed when something goes wrong, you will feel defeated... and that is something no new parent needs to feel more of!  Before you are even discharged from the hospital, you are making decisions about the way you will raise your child.  Breast or bottle, cloth or disposable, cosleeping or crib sleeping... and the list goes on and on.  No one can make the choices for you, but everyone seems to have an opinion about it.  You will feel judged about whichever decision you make, and likely feel the need to defend your choice to others.  KNOW THIS... whatever choice you made, is what is best for YOUR child!  You are a good parent, so never question your choice.

When you get the baby home, you will be overwhelmed, exhausted, and you will dive head first into a guess and check system of how to keep the baby happy!  All of the "I will never be that kind of parent" topics seem to fade away, and you go into survival of the fittest mode!  You begin to realize that judging that mother in BabiesRUs because she let her kid scream while she was picking out a car seat, really wasn't fair.  Nights of spontaneous dinners at your favorite restaurant are long gone, and until you find a babysitter that you can afford... you will be eating take out at home instead!  Vacations feel more like work, and you realize that sometimes the trip, may not be worth the headache.

Then this baby becomes a toddler, and you go into the annoying and completely inconvenient baby proofing stage!  Gates, drawer locks, cabinet locks, outlet covers... if you can dream it, they sell it!  You will find your sweet and perfect child painting on your favorite blanket with fingernail polish, or a chunk of their own hair lying in the bathroom beside a pair of scissors that you could swear you put on the top shelf in a locked cabinet!  You will meet the absolute worst side to yourself when you begin potty training this child whom you so happily taught to be independent.  Potty training can make the happiest of all people contemplate running away from home!

Your toddler becomes a preschooler, and the attitude emerges.  You will stare at your child (who you used to rock to sleep) and think "Did she just say that??".  Yes she did, and she more than likely learned it from you!  You will catch yourself saying things like "Young Lady", "Don't you make me count to 3", and "You can't run around your friend's houses naked"... yes it will happen!

Some parents decide early on that one child is enough for their family!  Some decide that they want 2, 3, 4, Then we arrived at our house.  The reality of raising 2 children set in.  I was also recovering from an intense surgery, and while I had help... I had NO CLUE what I was doing!  He had colic, and when you mix that with a 2 year old who was eager to help, and desperate for attention... I had my hands full!
or even 19 more children!!!  When we met our 2nd child, and our 1st son... I was enamored with him!  So in love, so blissful, and I already knew what I was doing... I had this in the bag!  After our 4 day stay in the hospital, I was ready to go home.  I was a baby pro, and I was ready to rock the mom of 2 thing.

19 months later, I still do not know what I am doing!  While things feel "normal" (I hate that word!) I still question myself a lot.  I still have trouble asking for help, and I find myself reflecting a LOT about the last 4 years!  I guess I am trying to figure out where they went.  How did we get here!?!?  It is so hard to remember everything, and I am glad that I blogged about it!

We haven't made it past this yet, but I know a comical and interesting future awaits me on the road ahead!  Being a mom makes you realize that you have to laugh, or you will give your self an tumor trying to make everything perfect.  Being a mom is surreal, and while the days seem to stand still, the years seem to blow on by.  Soon the babies become children, and then kids, who turn into teenagers... who (usually) leave home one day.  Take in every day that you are blessed with.  When they are driving you crazy, walk away, lock yourself in a closet, and breathe!!  We all do it... come out of the closet like nothing ever happened, and start all over!  Your babies love you, so love them back... every second that you can!  Because they won't be babies for long...

 - Jessica