Truth is... being a single mom terrifies me. There I said it. My anxiety gets worse the older I get, and I literally am afraid of everything. I can remember thinking that something like "agoraphobia" wasn't really a condition, but I understand it more as I age. My home is my safe space, and leaving it causes fear. I am in fear that my kids will pick up the gonoherpasyphilaids in the McDonald's PlayPlace. Fear that someone is going to snatch my 8 year old and send her to the hellacious world of trafficking. Fear that I may not get my bills paid. Fear that my kids will grow up not knowing how much I love them because I didn't have time to sit and play Barbies. Truth is, the picture I posted earlier today is the only moment from my day that I can remember existing, and it took 50 pictures to get 1 where we looked happy.
Truth is... being a special needs mom is overwhelming. Some days I need a vacation from it. There I said it. Some days I wonder how in the world I am going to get to bedtime without being drunk. The intense volume at which the tantrums are held, makes you want to voluntarily go deaf. The diapers you have been changing for 8 mother friggin' years have no end in sight. The list of 5 things that are acceptable food choices is narrowed down to 4. The wheelchair that is "lightweight" bites your finger as you hoist it into the trunk. Truth is, the hug you get from a child who doesn't understand "appreciation" means more than it ever should.
Truth is... being a working mom sucks. There I said it. I stayed home for 8 years, and I didn't want to go back to work. Of course some of those days, it felt like the walls were closing in on me, but I liked having time for myself. Now when there isn't something to do around the house or for a child, I work. Not much free time left for me when I have to "adult" like some kind of chump. I am exhausted more than I am not. The comical part is, I work part time. How you full time working mothers do it, is beyond me. I don't know what I am going to do when I have to start working full time, but you may find me hiding in the fetal position under my dining room table with a bottle of wine and a box of Cocoa Pebbles. I would usually eat good chocolate in crisis mode, but Cocoa Pebbles will likely be the only chocolate source in the house, and be easily accessible since it was what we had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. With a full time job, who has time to cook!?
Truth is... I fail a lot. I am human. I have many flaws, and one of my biggest is the inability to cut myself any slack. I beat myself to a pulp trying to make everyone around me happy. Jokes on me, because it is actually IMPOSSIBLE to make everyone happy at the same time. I often forget to put gas back in my own tank. I can't keep doing for everyone when my tank is on fumes.
Truth is... I should be asleep right now and not blogging, but THIS is something I do for me!
So I blog on, at midnight.
Truth is... you can't do it all. "ALL" is not always a good thing. Have you ever left an all you can eat buffet and felt good about yourself, NO!!! So stop trying to "do it all"!!!
Your body is not in good shape, work out. You aren't working enough, put in more hours. You want to use your PTO, you mean your kids are sick again? We know how much you make and you can't afford that vacation you are planning anyway. Put it on a credit card, you can have it paid off in 78 months with our APR. You need to breast feed, what kind of person bottle feeds. You cant nurse in public, what are you thinking feeding a baby out in the open like that? Go feed them under a bridge with the rest of the breast feeding trolls. Cloth diapers are better for the environment, get your act together before I put my carbon footprint up your... YouTube is not a babysitter, get your child off of that tablet. You should be painting or doing a puzzle, and learning through play. Microwave? You put Macaroni & Cheese in the microwave... we don't even own a microwave because the waves are damaging to your brain. Let's face facts, your entire family probably has cancer in some form because you didn't buy organic milk from farm raised cows anyway.
Let's face it... TRUTH IS, LET GO!
Laugh a little, because we aren't guaranteed tomorrow, and today is almost over.
*Some of the material above was pulled from a comedy act by Michelle Wolf. She is hysterical and I appreciate her sense of humor and her work fully. Give credit where it is due!
