Marriage is Work

Today, is my 7th wedding anniversary.  7 years ago, I walked to the front of a beautifully decorated room, filled with everyone that I knew and loved, wearing a gorgeous princess A-line gown.  My hair was perfect, nails were done, makeup was exactly as I had pictured.  My bridesmaids looked beautiful, the groomsmen looked handsome, and the fountain that we were going to say our vows at, was really the perfect location!  I linked arms with my dad, and we headed down the aisle.  I was happy, I was blissful, and I was completely ignorant to what marriage means!
That day was stressful, but it was literally a dream come true.  From the first time I married 2 of my Barbie dolls, or played dress up with a comforter tied around my waste and a pillow case on my head... I had been planning my wedding.  I knew exactly what I wanted that day to be like, and it lived up to my dreams.  I know the saying is "Money can't buy you happiness", but it can buy you a beautiful wedding day!  The price tag that came with that perfect day, definitely led to some of our earliest financial arguments!  However, the biggest issue with THAT DAY, is the actual wedding!  I was so lost in all of the planning that goes into having a wedding, that I ignored the fact that I was entering into marriage.  I was young, I was a bride, and that was all that mattered.  I can actually remember coming home from our honeymoon & thinking... NOW WHAT?!?!?  I have nothing left to plan.

The truth is MARRIAGE is sooooooooo much more than a WEDDING.  I have seen a lot of divorce happening to people my age, and my heart hurts.  There are a million reasons that a couple simply can't stay together, but I often hear "We have nothing in common.". My immediate thought is, how could you marry someone without having anything in common??  Then I think back to my relationship with my husband in August of 2006.  It was the longest relationship I had been in at that point in my life.  I had dated Derik, for more than a year, and I THOUGHT that we needed to "move forward".  I wasn't ready to get married, really.  I just wanted to live together, I wanted a diamond ring, and I wanted my Cinderella day!  I moved in with Derik that month (Yes, we were living in sin...) and I nagged him every day after that for a ring.  I didn't care that rings cost a small fortune, and I didn't know that he was making payments on one!  I didn't care that he might be waiting for the right moment, I just wanted him to tell me that he wanted to spend his life with me.  I was ...SELFISH.  Selfish, has NO ROOM in a marriage, but I didn't know that.
Derik asked me to marry him on October 22, 2006 at 4:30 in the morning!!!  We had fallen asleep in the living room watching a movie, when our then roommate and friends came in from a night at the club!!  We decided that we should go to bed since it was 4am!!  We headed to bed, and I rolled over immediately to go back to sleep.  Derik was talking, but I heard nothing!  It was like background noise from the TV.  Eventually, Derik said "Jess, could you roll over & look at me?", and more annoyed than I could ever explain... I did as he asked, and rolled over.  In his hand was an open ring box, and there was my perfect 3 stone diamond engagement ring.  It was everything I had imagined.  In that moment, I completely forgot that Derik was actually making a life long commitment to me, and all I cared about was that gorgeous rock!  I put it on my finger, and called 3 people!!  My mom, my dad, and my best friend, Sarah.  All of them were happy to hear that I was engaged, yet none of them wanted to talk about it at 4:30 in the morning!  So, I went back to sleep.
The next day, I began planning the wedding of my dreams.  I had already picked a date, so location, dress, cake, invitations, flowers, tuxedos, bridesmaid dresses, honeymoon, wedding favors, rehearsal dinner, limos... and everything else you can imagine... was where my mind was.  We emailed our pastor, and learned that our church was not willing to marry us, as we were already living together.  So, January 22, 2007, we headed to the courthouse with my mom & StepDad as witnesses & legally tied the knot!  We could have stopped the wedding circus there.  We could have had a party, and tell the world that we "eloped", but I needed my Cinderella story.  Our pastor agreed to officiate the wedding being that we were married already, and we began Pre-Marital Counseling... which was odd because we were married!  The point of this counseling is to prepare you for marriage, so that if you see any red flags in the relationship, you can work on things before you say "until death do us part" or you can call it off.  Since, we were already married... this was really more of a "What are your expectations of marriage?!?!" type of course.  We smiled & said all of the right things, but my head wasn't there.  My head was in the wedding plans, and I was immersed in what September 22nd would hold for us, BUT I should have been thinking about the rest of our lives.

The day finally came, and I was walking down the aisle.  We pledged our love, we exchanged rings, we lit a candle, and we kissed in front of everyone.  We walked back down the aisle, and it was all over with.  More photographs than one can imagine, {an overpriced} dinner, cake, dancing, champagne toasts, and the entire thing was over.  The day I had been so focused on was over.  That is ok, I had my bridal portrait in the newspaper, and a honeymoon to think about!  Airports, fancy cars, expensive hotel room, gambling, more overpriced food, show tickets, helicopter tours, more gambling, because we honeymooned in Vegas!  One week of no problems, and only each other to think about.  Then... just like that, I was no longer a bride... I was Derik's wife.  
I had no clue how to be a wife!  I hadn't thought it through.  I was so young, 22, and I had just promised the rest of my life to someone.  I didn't know what I was doing, and I had no clue how much work FOREVER would be.  So, how do you do forever??  How do you make a marriage work??  I know I am no marriage expert... but in the 7 years I have been married, this is what I have learned about the subject.

Marriage is...
                        SELFLESSNESS & COMPROMISE
You can't be selfish in your marriage.  When you both make the effort to put your spouse first, you will find that both of your needs are met.  When you are selfish, you will ultimately end up hurting the one you love. They will feel unimportant, and like they are not a priority.  Compromise is constant in a marriage!  You have to find that middle ground where everyone can be happy.  Compromise prevents arguments, and it is much easier to find a compromise when you are being selfless!

Marriage is...
                        HONESTY & RESPECT
Honesty is by far one of the most important pieces of the marriage puzzle.  When you spend as much time with someone as you spend with your spouse, you feel betrayed over even the smallest of lies.  Omission tends to feel like a lie, so be open and honest.  In our marriage, we both feel that you can't over share!  If we don't want to know, we say so!  Being honest shows that you respect that person enough to tell them the truth.  Even if that means you may get yelled at!  Respect & honesty go hand in hand!

Marriage is...
                        PATIENCE & COMPASSION
Let's face it, no matter what your mother said, you can't "train" your spouse.  They are never going to do everything the way that you would do it.  Why would you want them to?  Your spouse is perfect to God. That is right, God thinks that your spouse is exactly the way they should be.  So, who are you to think they need to be different?  When they do something differently than you would... think of it as quirky!  Smile, and think to yourself, "He is a mess, but I love him just the way he is"!  Be PATIENT and realize that while you may think your spouse has flaws... they likely think the same thing about you!  Wouldn't you want your spouse to show you compassion when you do something that they think is "wrong"?!?!  When you are patient, you are compassionate!  When you are impatient, you can be hurtful.  Even if you say nothing, impatience is saying "are you an idiot" without even opening your mouth.

Marriage is...
                        LOVE & KINDNESS
You may think this is obvious is marriage, but it is not always easy to be kind.  Make an effort every day to show kindness.  That means being supportive, encouraging, patient, and remembering that words can cut much deeper than real weapons.  Unkind words can leave permanent scars that you can not fix.  So, before you throw that weapon around, rethink the sentence.  Be very careful about throwing the "D" word around lightly.  It isn't a threat you should make.  Using any threats in a marriage is the complete opposite of kind, and of love.  It is easy to love someone without being in love with them... so work hard on staying in love.  It will make it so much easier to be kind!  Stop seeking out your spouses flaws, and focus on their strengths.

Marriage is...
                        ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE, & NOT YOUR KIDS
And, I am guessing that I just touched a nerve on a lot of readers.  I am a mother myself, and I love my children very much.  BUT, the fact is my marriage outranks my babies.  I will be a mother, no matter if I am married or not, but I will not be married if I only focus on being a mother.  My husband needs to feel important, he needs to feel respected, he needs to feel loved, and so does yours.  It was you and him before the kids came along, and it will be you and him after they leave.  Remember that every time your anniversary rolls around!  You spend hundreds of dollars, invite everyone you know, and make a huge hoopla over a child's birthday.  There is nothing wrong with that, but shouldn't the anniversary of your lifelong commitment be just as important??  Make your spouse your top priority in your family.  Your children will respect you for that when they are older, and your relationship will stay lock tight as your raise your children together.

I will be the first to admit that marriage is a full time job.  I am one of those strange chicks who doesn't like The Notebook, I don't need roses to feel romance, and I do not believe in soulmates.  I do not believe that Derik was put on this planet for me.  I believe that I love him, more than I even understand.  I believe that I promised him a life together, and I believe that every day, I have to WORK to make it work!  Marriage is work, and if you are going to be married, you can't be ignorant to the work that is vital for it to be successful!
Happy Anniversary babe.  I love you & I will continue working on our marriage, forever!

Essential Oil Empties: KEEP THEM!

The ideas for empty EO bottles on Pinterest are really not that free flowing.  People have a hard time coming up with ways to reuse their EO bottles, but I have found a few ways to use mine that I thought I would share!  The amber bottles do serve a purpose, and they aren't cheap to purchase online, so I hoard them!
Amber glass keeps sunlight from hurting your oils.  I don't usually keep my oils in direct sunlight, but they are much safer in these bottles.

1)  Blend Mixing...
As an avid EO user, I make a lot of my own blends.  I often use rollers to mix and house the blends, and rollers of course make applying EOs super easy and clean.  However, some of my blends can work really well when mixed in empty bottles.

for example... The Acne Blend that I created for my husband.
It works like a charm FYI, and this is a man who swore by ProActive.
I mixed this blend into an Empty Lavender bottle because Lavender is wonderful for sink issues.

7 drops Geranium

7 drops Grapefruit

10 drops Melalueca

Fill 1/2 way with Vitamin E Oil

Fill rest of bottle with FCO

My husband is a restaurant owner, so as you can imagine his face is
seriously oily most of the day.He uses this in the morning after his shower, and at night
before going to bed.  I haven't seen a bumpon his face since he started using it!
We went on vacation to the beach for a week, and he didn't

bring the oil.  His face was broken out like a 12 year old going through puberty!
One day of using the oil blend when we got home, and all of the bumps cleared up!
Mixing this in the empty bottle made applying this blend a piece of cake for my hubby,
and he said he preferred it in the empty over the dropper bottle that I paid for and BROKE!

You can use these empty bottles to mix any blends that you use often.  Just make sure to use a bottle that housed an oil which makes sense for the blend!  You wouldn't want to mix a sleep blend in a Wild Orange empty!  That would defeat the purpose of the sleep blend!!

2)  Bath Salts...

Fill and scent EO empty with Epsom Salt & put the lid on it!  Keep your stash of various smells in the bathroom, and when it is bath night for you or your kids, let the bottle run under the warm water.  Epsom salt baths are great for everyone, and if you have the right scent... bath time can be amazing!  You can use any empty, but some great suggestions would be Peppermint, Lavender, Deep Blue, Aromatouch, Melaleuca, On Guard, Lemon, Wild Orange, Citrus Bliss, Serenity, & Eucalyptus.  

3)  Use them at Parties & Classes!

This may sound simple and for people who don't "SELL" the oils, it may sound completely pointless, BUT IT'S NOT!  When friends and family members want to smell oils, or try oils... empties are the best thing to have on hand.  At parties, I do not display the full bottles, because people will test them, spill them, and waste them!  The empties have the same smell as a full bottle, and none of your treasured oil gets wasted.  If someone wants to purchase a sample, or you are giving some oil someone, use an empty!  Why waste these bottles?!?!?!

4)  Diffusing Oil...

Last but not least, you can fill an empty with carrier oil, and use it in your diffuser.  An "empty" EO bottle is NOT actually empty!  There is residual oil, and you can get it out of the bottle with carrier.  Fill it with carrier, and then use that oil in your diffuser.  The smell will be much more subtle, but you will smell it!

Hope these ideas help!  If you have any other ideas, please share them with me in the comments below!

Elsa or Bust

If you don't know who Elsa is by now, I am not sure what planet you have been living on!  Disney's Frozen took the children of this generation by storm.  Little girls & little boys of many ages are in love with the characters of this movie, and honestly... I understand why!  I love the movie, and I find myself singing Let it Go now and then!  My daughter is 4.5 years old, and she is one of Elsa's biggest fans!!  I have bought more Frozen merchandise than one person should ever purchase.  Bedding, Dolls, Barbies, Castles, Movies, Games, Books, Clothes, Costumes... you name it, we own it!
So, like the rest of the Frozen Fan Club, I was over the moon when I got notification of early sale tickets for Disney's Frozen on Ice!  I opened the link, picked great seats, added them to my cart, and I stopped.
WHY??  Because this was in May, and the event wasn't until September.  My husband became one of the 2 candidates up for a relocation due to his job.  We thought for sure our family was moving to Salt Lake City, Utah, and I didn't want to purchase the tickets if we weren't going to be here for the show.  You have 15 minutes from the time you add tickets to your cart to purchase them, and I watched the clock tick for all 900 seconds.  I decided to wait, and I would buy them later, if the move didn't happen.  May came and went, and so did the job position.  We weren't chosen, and Richmond remained our home.
With summer season comes added chaos.  As if life isn't busy enough, there is no school to occupy your children, you decide to beat the heat with trips to the pool, and vacations here and there.  Abbie was diagnosed at the beginning of May with Childhood Epilepsy, so we spent our summer battling seizures on top of the already chaotic list of activities.  Abbie started gymnastics, Brady found a new Auditory Team, we had day camps, and therapies, and doctors appointment, OH MY!  So before I knew it... it was September!
The show time that I wanted to go to was Sold Out, and the only seats available to the others were not good enough for me to spend money on.  So, I decided to just pretend that this event was NOT happening!  If I don't think about it, then it doesn't bother me!  Abbie doesn't know about it, so it can't bother here... all is good, right?!?!?!  WRONG.

Well, as I was scanning my Facebook newsfeed, I came across an advertisement for a local "kids gym"!!  

The ad read as follows...

As you can imagine... this mommy, followed the link, and immediately registered my sweet girl!  $20, and she will get to meet Elsa & Olaf, get to play in the fun gym, and do some activities. What a fun afternoon for her, and this will totally make up for the fact that everyone she knows is going to Frozen on Ice, and her mom forgot to buy tickets.  

So, I get Abbie dressed and ready, we grab her dolls, her Elsa bag, her crown, her movie, and of course... and autograph pen!  We head to Romp & Roll for what I am sure will be an amazing afternoon, and then we walk in the door... BUST.  As I am signing the waiver, the lady in charge says, "Thank you guys so much for coming, we are going to have a lot of fun."  Innocently, I look at her and say, "No, thank you.  Being that this weekend is Frozen on Ice, and we are one of the only people not going... this makes up for it big time!"  She smiled, and I said... "They are here right?  Elsa & Olaf???"  And she pointed into a room where I saw this...

Silly me for thinking that the "Join Elsa & Olaf" meant that Elsa and Olaf would really be there.  Trying to explain to Abbie why Elsa & Olaf weren't going to be there was like brushing your teeth while eating an Oreo, completely pointless!!  Thankfully the evening actually turned out to be a lot of fun for her.  She likes events like these, and was very entertained.  I enjoyed watching her run and play, and laugh with her new friends!  She was only disappointed for a few minutes and then everything worked itself out.  Mommy, was still a little disappointed though.  So, after our afternoon party... I took Abbie to see her daddy at his restaurant!  On the way there, she obviously sensed my disappointment, and said in the sweetest voice ever...

"Mommy, it is okay that it was just a cardboard cutout.  Maybe Elsa will be there next time."

This chick is so stinking awesome!!  I am so grateful that I was able to spend the afternoon with her and watch her smile and laugh.  It won't be long before she is all grown up, and I will treasure all of these moments!  

So, to sum it all up... what I feared was a REAL BUST, actually turned out to be pretty freaking great!!  I don't know how long Elsa will continue to be Abbie's favorite Disney character, but I don't see her fading out just yet!!  

Since Frozen is pretty much the biggest and most popular movie ever for kids of this generation, I thought I would create a Free Printable in honor of my Abbie!  

Click HERE to download your own, and you can print and frame it for your Elsa fan!  Enjoy :).  

10 Life Tips You Should Know!

Sometimes you learn something, that makes you say "I wish I had known that sooner", and these are a few of those tips and hints that I have picked up along the way!  If you know any others, PLEASE feel free to leave them in the comments section, or email them to me!  I am always interested in learning more!  

1)  Shopping Carts tall poles, serve a purpose!

I have asked many people if they knew what those poles are for!  I have heard so many responses that make me crack up.  "They are so security cameras can monitor where shoppers are".  "They are to hang your purse on".  "They are to keep your cart from flipping over".  All of these answers are wrong!

These long poles on shopping carts are to keep you from taking the carts out the front door and leaving them in the parking lot!  How did I learn this??  OH YES, I tried to take the cart outside!  As you can imagine... it didn't work out!  The crash was loud, the entire front entryway shook as though it was built out of paper, and the chuckles from behind me at the cash register only made my cheeks that much more red! That pole will not allow you to take the cart out of the store, so don't try!!

2)  Kids Temp at Starbucks!

Did you know that you can order a Starbucks drink and it doesn't have to be scalding hot?  

This means several things...

You can order hot cocoa for kids and they can drink it right away.If you don't like to drink coffee when it is piping hot, you don't have to wait for it to cool down.No more putting ice in your coffee so that you can drink it right away!

Just order your drink however you normally would, and be sure to ask for "Kids Temp". 

3)  iPad Guided Access App LOCK!!

How many times have you handed your child your phone or an iPad to keep them entertained??  Just admit it, you have done it before, and no one is judging you for it!  Now, how many times have you yanked the tablet away from that child because they were now typing an email to your boss, trying to FaceTime your mom, or deleting all of your Facebook friends?!?!?!  Did you know that there is a hidden function in the iWorld that will allow you to prevent the tragedies that happen when children play with adult technology???

It is called Guided Access & it is very easy to turn on!
Go to Settings > General > Accessibility & scroll down the Guided Access in the "Learning" section.  Tap it to Open & turn it on.  Set the passcode, which can easily be remembered if you use your unlock code.  If your child knows that code... use the unlock code backwards!!  Be sure to turn on the Accessibility Shortcut as well.  You can even set time limits for the apps!  

Now, that it is set up, go into the app that your child wants to use, and TRIPLE CLICK the home button. You just initiated Guided Access.  Your child will no longer be able to leave the app, or use any of the buttons (including the volume controls).  To END this option, TRIPLE CLICK the home key again and enter the passcode.  Chose the END option in the upper left corner and you will be able to close the app.  

You are welcome! 

4)  Shadows in Parking Spaces!

You have done it before, we all have.  You are driving in circles around the parking lot, because you can't find a space, and at the other end of the aisle... you see an "empty" spot that is calling your name!  Your speed up, and you begin to turn the wheel, when at the last second you see that there is a small Mazda Miata parked in that space already.  AHHHHHH those small cars hide behind the standard size vehicles so well!  

Start looking at the shadows in the parking lot instead of the cars themselves.  NOW, this obviously won't work at high noon.  BUT... generally speaking, you will be able to see if that spot is actually vacant before making a hard left into the back bumper of a SmartCar! 

5)  Sharpie Dates on Jars in the Fridge!

How long has that jar of spaghetti sauce that you only used half of been sitting in the fridge??  There is no shame, it happens to all of us!  You reach for the BBQ sauce, that you haven't used in a while, and you discover a jar behind it that had been moved into the dark abyss that is a fridge!  You have no idea how long it has been in there, so you toss it.  What if there was a better way?!?! 

There is... keep a Sharpie in your kitchen.  Keep it in the draw with all the wooden spoons, or the tool spinny thing on your counter.  When you open a jar of anything... sauce, jelly, salsa, pickles, whatever... write the date on the top!  So simple, and yet life changing!  Things like spaghetti and pizza sauce can keep for 2 weeks in the fridge.  Broths are usually good for a week, and jelly I think may out live us all!!!

6)  Date Charts on Medicine Bottles!!

It happened again.  Your child went to Bobby's house for a play date and they came home with strep throat, or an ear infection, or whatever else that can manage to pick up!  You head to the doctor, and they give you yet another antibiotic (unless you are an EO family :).  So you have to ensure that your little one gets that medicine 2 times a day, every day, for 10 days.  And you can't remember if he had it this morning or not.  

I am about to blow your mind... ready for this???  Date chart ON THE BOTTLE!  That is right, it is really that simple!  Take out a Sharpie, and list all 10 days on the bottle that meds should be taken!  Then put check marks beside the day for as many doses that need to be taken!  

7)  Holes in the Bottom of the Trashcan!

The trashcan is completely full, so you tie up the bag and begin the epic struggle of man vs. trashcan.  You pull, you yank, you even put your foot on the edge of the trashcan to give yourself a little more leverage, but you still have to hold that pose until the trash bag slowly slides out of the can and finally breaks free.  

There is an easier way folks!!  This hack unfortunately would be much more difficult if you have a fancy shmancy stainless steel trashcan, but where there is a will, there is a way!!!  Drill holes in the sides at the bottom of the trash can.  This will allow air to pass under the bag, and PREVENT suction!!!  You will never fight another trashcan again!  Honestly, I am not sure why the trashcan companies aren't making the cans like this in the first place.  It must be some kind of conspiracy to get you to buy the expensive bags that won't rip apart as you fight them with all of your strength to get out of the can!!

8)  Car Seat Safety Stickers

The ABCs are blaring on the CD Player, your oldest is whining because you said that you aren't going to eat lunch at McDonalds, and your youngest chucks a sippy cup at your head... before you know it, all of the distractions have led to an accident.  Now, let's say that this accident led to your airbag being deployed, and you are not awake or aware enough to speak to the EMTs about the vital information they need about your children.  It is a morbid thought, but it is realistic.  Accidents happen all of the time, and often it is completely out of your control.  To ensure that your kids are treated properly... it is a good idea to have medical car seat stickers.  These stickers list all of the vital things that EMT's may need to know. You can download the file HERE, and print them using AVERY 5164 White Shipping Labels found in stores.  Of course you could also print them on standard paper, and use packing tape to secure them.  Tape or Stick them UNDER the car seat.  You do not want them visible to someone walking by the car, but only to someone who might look for that information.  The picture shown has the sticker blurred out, but was taken so that you can see it is stuck on the back of the seat, and then belted into the car!   

9)  Hide-A-Key Options...

There are plenty of ways to hide a spare key for your home!  I didn't think that a spare key was "vital", until the day that I went to the mailbox and returned to a locked door.  Thanks to my toddler, I was locked out, and I had no phone to call for help.  It was the middle of the day, and none of my neighbors were home!! I was screwed, and the next day, I hid a key!  

Some of the options for things you can purchase are really cool, and most of them are less than $10.  You can purchase a magnetic box to mount under the bumper of your car, or a thermometer that mounts on your porch, or a fake sprinkler head that can be buried in your yard.

However, there are some options that are FREE!  Gluing a rock or pine cone to the top of an empty medicine bottle and burying the medicine bottle in a planter or your yard is smart, and FREE!!!  Whatever you have to do... just make sure that you aren't putting a key under your mat or on top of your door!!  

10)  Siri Knows that Song! 

The new iOS 8 has come along, and one of the newest features of the oh so fabulous Siri, is her knowledge of music.  There is no need to purchase apps that can recognize songs anymore!!  Just launch Siri, and ask "What song is this?"  She will listen and let you know!

BONUS TIP - 

Starbucks water is FREEEEEEE.  Next time you are at the checkout line at Target, and you are soooo thirsty, don't grab a bottle of water for $1.49.  Pay for your stuff, and walk to the in house Starbucks!  If you don't have a Starbucks in your Target... I am so sorry for you!!!  Ask for a Venti Water... that is 20oz of Triple Filtered DELICIOUSLY free water!!!  

That is all I have for you fine readers today!  

If you have any other awesome tips... PLEASE share them with me!

Praying the Lonely Away

Facebook is without a doubt the most used social media network today.  The website has appeal to people of all ages.  You can keep up to date on friends and family whom you don't see often.  You can share your accomplishments and proud moments with many people at once.  You can create events, business pages, groups, and just about anything you may have a need for... but you aren't always getting the true picture. Keeping in mind that what you see on Facebook, is exactly what that person WANTS the world to see, you have to remember that often times, things aren't always as they seem.

If I asked all of my Facebook friends to describe me using one word, I would probably get...

However, if you asked me to describe myself, you would hear...

Now, I know that we are always our worst critics, but do you notice how many more BAD personality traits I was able to come up with than good ones???  If I ever express the negative things that I hate most about myself, they look at me funny.  Why in the world would you say you are shy??  I am funny, sarcastic, and outgoing to cover up the fact that I AM INCREDIBLY SHY.  I am not good at meeting new people, and when I do it, I get incredibly nervous!!  However, being that what you see on Facebook, seems like reality, you would never know just how shy, how nervous, how LONELY, I truly get.  

One of my sweet friends messaged me today, and the message broke my heart.  She is one of the only people I have ever known, that truly understands how I feel day to day.  She has walked in my shoes, in every sense of the word.  She struggles with depression, she has fought many marriage battles, dealt with a tough relocation away from family, and the biggest piece to the puzzle... she is a special needs mom.

Her oldest child went to school for their first day today, and there was no celebration.  She got a phone call from a very harsh & inconsiderate teacher.  This teacher called her to let her know that her child was a "disruption" in class.  She was accused of not only forgetting to mention that her child was special needs to the teacher, but also for not dealing with the bad behavior.  

HEART BROKEN JESSICA

My first instinct was anger.  I love her child very much, and I know just what an amazing gift they really are. I have spent time with this child and with their family, and I know their strengths and weaknesses.  I wanted to protect this child, and my friend.  I wanted her to know that she is an incredible mother, and that this child is a blessing... but all I could get out was "Don't you pay for preschool??  This teacher needs to treat you both as equals."  Unfortunately, I was unable to convey my real feelings, and I hope that she reads them here!  

The sad truth is that this is the reality for most special needs moms at some point in our lives.  Sometimes, we live this moment over and over again.  Why is it so difficult for people to ATTEMPT to walk in my shoes for an hour???  Even those people who are closest too me, often forget that things in my world are challenging. They don't give my children the benefit of the doubt.  They don't give me the benefit of the doubt.  They make assumptions and judgments that only create hurt.  I am not asking for anyone to live their life so that mine can be easier.  It is unrealistic to expect my friends not to host a child's birthday party at Jumpology because my son can't walk, so we won't be able to participate.  However... it isn't unrealistic for me to hope that people can be considerate enough to know that it hurts when my almost 3 year old is compared to their 1 year old in a way that dumbs my child down.  Be considerate enough to know that I am a basket case daily because of dealing with constant sensory processing issues & a complete inability to communicate with my child.  Be considerate enough to call me, message me, just attempt to reach out... because being a special needs parent is incredibly lonely.  In fact, I have battled depression most of my life, and I can say with COMPLETE fact, I have never been lonelier than I am at this point in my life.  I feel left behind.  All of my friends who had children with no setbacks, just keep on hitting milestones.  They just keep on climbing the parental ladder, and the distance between us grows bigger and bigger.  

The point of this blog is NOT to point fingers at ANYONE in my life.  It is not to attack anyone or guilt them into feeling sorry for me.  I don't want pity!  I just want support, as does every mom living this type of life!  I guess the moral of this story is simple...

If you know someone, anyone, who is a special needs parent...

Remind them that they are important.  
Remind them that you are there.

Remind them that you haven't forgotten about them, 
and you support them.

Remember, WE NEED IT.

To the mom I mentioned above, I love you & your family.  I am praying for you.  Praying all of your lonely away.  I hope you can feel peace and lots of love.  HUGS & SUPPORT!!

Family Binder 101

What in the world is a family binder??  Well, it is my peace of mind!  I have had a family binder since the birth of our 2nd child.  Let's face it, as we age, we begin to have difficulty remembering every detail about our lives... let alone everyone in the family!!!  The family binder was the solution to a lot of my stress, and I am happy to share this wonderful tool with others!  I have taken pictures of my binder's parts & pieces, and I will include links to download the files for your own use!  So... here goes nothing!

The cover is simple, but colorful & fresh!

When you open our binder, you will find our Family Rules & Babysitter Notes sheet that is laminated.  

Notes for the Sitter is a laminated sheet with all of the basic info for a night without the kids!!  When I am leaving the kids at home with a sitter, I fill in all of the information with a Visa Vise pen, and after our date, I wipe it off clean!  This way, I am able to use it again and again.  When in use, it is posted on the fridge.

The family rules sheet is really just a fun way for me to keep the important things in the forefront of my mind.  I use the binder often, and when I open it, I like that this is the first thing I see!

 The first tab houses our important phone numbers.  Doctors, therapists, my husband's job, anything that someone (including myself) might need at a moment's notice!  One thing that I try to remember is that my smartphone does have a battery life, and my internet sometimes fails.  I like to have the important information in WRITING, so that myself, or anyone who needs it, can find it.

The next tab houses important dates that we want to remember!  Family & friends birthdays, anniversaries, and whatever else we feel needs to be remembered!

The next tab houses are utilities list.  I included our account numbers and the phone numbers for the various companies, so that we can call about any technical issues or bills without doing lots of research!

The following tab includes all of the SCHOOL information for both kids.  I whited everything out that I didn't want to be shared on the internet, but the information I included was as follows...

School Name, Phone Number, Address, Website
Principle/Director's Name, Phone Number, and Email Address
Teacher's Name, and email address

The next 2 tabs include the information that I need most often.  I created a tab for each child, and included all of the information a sitter might need if they had to call 911 in any circumstance.  Child's full name, birthday, social security number, and blood type.  I also listed in short detail any major hospitalizations and the gestational age for each child, as both of mine were preemies!

Brady's Tab matches Abbies!

The last tab in my binder is my favorite!
I DON'T FEEL LIKE COOKIN'!!!

So, let's order in... where from???  Just open the binder and pick what sounds good!

My very last tab is for all of my MOPS information, just in case my hubby needs to get in touch with me, check meeting dates, or I need quick access to group member's information.  I haven't received any file type information for MOPS yet as this year starts at the end of the month... so there is nothing to photography just yet!!  However, when I do receive it, it already has a home!

Family Binders are really awesome to have on hand, especially if you live AWAY from family.  We don't have family local, so our sitters need to be able to access information like this if needed.  It really does provide me some piece of mind, and I do an update on it each year!  You can download your own family binder printables HERE.  The sheets that I used for custom made for my family, and I am happy to do custom work for you... just contact me for pricing!