R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me!

Play date at our house!
We walked to the park and the fountain!

As a mom of 2 littles, we have many play dates!  We enjoy them very much, and we especially love to host them!  We spend time with school age kids, preschool age kids, toddlers, and infants!  No play date is ever the same, and I think that is part of the reason why we enjoy them so much!  Some kids prefer to relax with their favorite tv show, some prefer a princess party in dressup clothes, and some prefer playing out back... no matter what the preference is, there is never a dull moment!
After spending time with kids from so many different age groups, I really began observing. No 2 parents have the same "parenting style", and it has been interesting to me to see what parents chose to punish a child for in front of other parents!

Let me start by saying this... I came from a home in which punishment was always given if deserved.  It did

Friendly Avenue Baptist Church in Greensboro, NC.

not matter where we were, who we were with, or what we had done... if punishment was deserved... we were punished!  Sometimes the punishment given was worse than others, and those are the instances that I still clearly remember as an adult.  I can vividly remember sitting in the front row of the balcony at Friendly Avenue Baptist Church in Greensboro, NC, when I was about 8.  I was sitting in the balcony, because Walter, an elderly man whom everyone loved, had a huge bag of candy each week.  He was always in the balcony, and if you sat in the balcony... you were able to choose a few pieces to enjoy during church!  2 friends of mine, and myself, made our selection and headed to the front row.  It wasn't long into the service that we were very bored, and decided we would throw our candy wrappers off the balcony to see who's head they landed on.  While it seemed amusing to us at the time, I can see now why people were so upset!  What I couldn't see however, was my mom sitting in the choir, watching my every move.  I also didn't see her excuse herself from the choir, nor did I see her walking down the side aisle straight back to the balcony entrance.  In fact, I didn't see her at all, until she was standing beside me.  The punishment I received was not good or fun for myself or my mom!  She was mad at me for being so disrespectful and completely embarrassed by my behavior... so the punishment was well deserved!

(Mom, I know I have apologized for this many times, 

but I am still very sorry for my actions that day!!!)

The point of this little walk down memory lane, is to prove that I come from a home that dealt out punishment when it was deserved.  My parents expected me to be respectful, honest, and obedient.  My dad was very firm on manners.  No elbows on the table (after a few forks jabbing my elbows, I learned!), say yes mam and no mam, yes sir and no sir, please and thank you.  They taught us to be very respectful of everything we had as well.  Money in our family was tight (if my mom or dad is reading this, they are probably laughing, because tight is really a huge understatement!!) so we had to take care of what we had because we couldn't afford to replace anything.  My sister and I have a huge stash of Beanie Babies, all with tags still in tact. Our dollhouse was always very organized and each piece of furniture was in it's rightful home. Our Barbie's never laid naked, because they were always in a fashionable outfit with their hair neatly fixed.

When we were older, we had a chore chart that my mom had drawn out on poster board.  It looked similar to the picture on the left, but it was a little different.  She had drawn out a game board, and with each chore we got closer to a reward of our choosing!  It gave us something to work towards, and since we didn't get allowances, it was the only way we really could get something we wanted.  The biggest upside to it for me, is that it taught me to respect our home.  We didn't get to move up on the game board for everything.  When we completed our assigned chores we could move forward.  However, if our rooms were destroyed or our beds unmade, we could be moved backwards!  It was a simple idea with so much effect!  My mom doesn't have a picture of her chart, but I wish she did.  It was really a cool concept!  

As an adult, I still have a huge respect for the things we own, as well as the things that others own.  Respect, TO ME, is blanket term. It covers everything from physical items, feelings, opinions, and anything else that can "belong" to someone.  I keep my home clean, because I have a huge respect for this house.  Since we rent our current home, my respect level for it goes beyond it being my home, as it is literally someone else's home.  When I go to someone's home to visit them, I try to leave it the way it was when I arrived.  I do not want to burden anyone with cleaning up after me.  

Our UH OH box!

After a play date in our house, I usually tell people to leave the mess.  My reasoning behind that is I have specific homes for toys.  It takes me a lot less time to put them away myself, than to explain to someone where everything goes.  However, I do appreciate it when a child or a parent attempts to clean up a mess.  If I take my kids to someone's house for a play date, I expect them to take care of the toys they play with and clean up after themselves.  When we have a play date, I do expect for the toys we have to be taken care of.  If a child visits and is purposefully breaking toys... I will take them away, and likely not invite them back.  If Abbie breaks a toy at someone's house (unless it was by accident) she will be expected to give them a toy from her collection as a token of apology.  I recently created an UH-OH Box.  This box is my way of teaching Abbie to clean up after herself.  When we moved, we got rid of a LOT of toys!  She still has plenty to play with, but what she plays with regularly is a small selection!  If she leaves it out... it goes in the box.  She has to do a "chore" in order to get it back.  The chores vary from using a swiffer duster to clean an area of my choice, to cleaning up a mess that Brady has created, to using the handheld vacuum around the kitchen table!  If an item remains in the box for 24 hours... it will find a new home.  GOD FORBID THE ROKU REMOTE END UP IN THIS BOX!

There is a teaching opportunity in every
"wrong" that a child does!

Respect is something that I feel is very important and vital that my kids learn.  I want them to respect each other, their friends, their friends' parents, adults, children, toys, or anything else!  It has really shocked me over my few years as a mom how little respect some parents teach their children.  I am not hesitant to punish my child for harming someone any less than I would for disrespecting someone or their things.  Some parents however, seem so embarrassed that their child has done something disrespectful, that they choose to do nothing.  Doing nothing, teaches nothing.  If you think your child will learn these things on their own, without you teaching them, you are wrong.  In fact, I firmly believe that if someone is not taught early to respect something as simple as a toy, they will grow to NOT respect things with more importance, like their job.  If you do not teach them to respect you are their parent, why would they respect their boss??  If you do not encourage your child to clean up their toys at home, why would they clean up toys at someone else's home?  Or keep their own home clean as an adult?  If their feelings are not respected at home, what makes you think they will learn to respect the feelings of anyone else?  Will they respect their spouse?  Will they choose a spouse who doesn't respect them?

We have to remember that we are talking about children.  Children will make a mess, they will hurt someone's feelings, and they will break things... it is our job as adults to teach them that you need to clean up after yourself, you shouldn't say or do things that hurt others, and you need to respect what you play with or use.  The things that they learn now are the building blocks for the rest of their lives, and I want my children to be respectful.

I would like to end this blog by saying, I enjoy spending time with each of my friends, and all of your children!  This blog is not about any specific person!  It is just a general observation.  I think you are all wonderful parents!  I do NOT think the way that I parent my children is better than anyone else's method.  This was simply my explaination of the way we do things and why I do them this way!