1 out of every 6 American women, have fallen victim to an act of sexual violence. Now, stop and think about your main group of friends. I bet you can count 5. Do you realize that statistics say that at least 1 of the people you just named, have been sexually assaulted or abused? If you are one of those women...
I bet there is a good chance that you are in the group of people who wants nothing to do with 50 Shades of Grey. Unfortunately, I fall into that category, and I have no intention of wasting 2 hours of my life watching a movie in which Hollywood glamorizes sexual sadism. I haven't read the books, nor do I plan too. There is nothing about this story line that can benefit my marriage or our sex life.
I don't talk about it much, and I didn't talk about it at all for years. I had run away from home, and I was staying with someone I thought was a friend. I had stayed at their house for several days, until the night he drugged me, raped me, and left me for dead. Once you have lived the horrific experience of a rape, you carry that with you for the rest of your life. It is hard to fully recover from it, and some people never do.
So, what does 50 Shades of Grey mean to someone who has lived through this battle??
There are women all across the country who are actually fantasizing about being with someone who hurts them sexually. Someone who inflicts pain on others for their own excitement. There are women dreaming about being controlled and having loveless sex. This type of fantasy has the ability to ruin your sex life.
If you haven't heard of a man named Robert Bashara, you should look him up. Read about what a real life Christian Grey did to countless women, whom he called "slaves", and how he eventually killed his wife because she wouldn't participate in this type of sex with him.
Hollywood can make anything feel like a dream you want to live. They have the ability to make you fall in love with a vampire, root for the hooker who charged a man $3000 for a week of company, willingly watch children slaughter each other for sport, and now... fantasize about violent sex.
I read an article yesterday that I really related too.
It discussed the 5 things that 50 Shades of Grey teaches about sex...
1) If you are good looking, rich, or successful, you can develop a violent sexual appetite and people will be okay with it.
2) Sex is completely for pleasure and all love/romance should be removed from the situation.
3) Girls: If you hang around long enough and put up with a guy's "issues", eventually he might love you and change.
4) Guys: You can do whatever you want to a girl and she'll just take it because... she's a girl.
5) If you put a lot of highly explicit sexual material into a story, people will make it a best seller and it will even be turned into a big budget Hollywood film.
Please know that I am not condeming anyone that I know for reading these books, or heading to the theaters this weekend. You are all adults, and are fully capable of making your own decisions. I am simply stating why I do not wish to participate in this phenomenon. While I completely agree with #2, #3, & #4 from the statements above, my SOLE REASON for not wanting to be a part of this, is very personal. What happened to me was devastating, and very hard for me to work past. I can't relive any of the moments that I survived that day.
TO ANY WOMEN who read this and suffered through any act of sexual violence... I am so sorry. I am sorry that you weren't treated with respect, that all human beings deserve. You are beautiful, and the past doesn't have to control your future. Find someone to talk too, and share your experience. Do not keep that trauma bottled up. Know that it is okay to dislike the 50 Shades of Grey wave that has swept our country. Do not feel like you have to go with your girlfriends. You are not a freak, you are not the only one who won't be watching!!
Enjoy your Valentine's Day weekend doing what the rest of us will be doing... WAITING FOR THE CHOCOLATE TO GO ON SALE!!!!!
PS... in the time it has taken me to write this blog 29 women in the United States have been sexually assaulted, and 12 of them were under 18 years old.
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