I spent my youth dreaming of growing up and being a mom. I wanted 4, that is right, 4 children. I had beautiful ideas of what my big family would be like, and I couldn't wait to get that family started. But, life has a funny way of throwing sticks in front of you while you are roller blading (Big Daddy reference... I love Adam Sandler movies!), and my big family dreams faded.
I found myself married to a man who loved his job more than his family, and after baby #2 arrived, I realized that I wasn't cut out to raise more than 2 by myself. Now that me and my littles live 2 states away from their dad, the reality of raising them alone really hit home.
So what does Mother's Day mean to me?
Growing up, I didn't have a relationship with my mother. She will read this, and likely be horrified that I am writing this publicly, but I write what I know. It wasn't until 2010 that I really developed a relationship with my mom, and I was 25. I took her for granted, I viewed her as my harshest critic, and was genuinely convinced that she couldn't stand me, much less love me.
In January of 2010, I was put on bed rest. After an early labor scare, I wasn't allowed to do anything! As mentioned before, my husband was married to his job so I was on my own. My mom came over to my house every night while I was on bed rest. After working a full time job, she would come to my house no questions asked. She did my laundry, she made dinner, she walked the dogs, she cleaned the house, she kept me company, and she became my friend.
I couldn't understand why she would do all of that for me. I remember wondering what her end game was! What could she think I had that I could repay her with. It wasn't until the moment that I held my daughter in my arms, that I fully understood how much that woman loved me. It clicked. She would do anything for me, because she was my mom. It was literally that simple.
As I watched that little girl of mine grow, I learned how hard being a mom really is. I called her often to apologize for things I did and said when I was growing up. I developed a deep appreciation for my mom, and our friendship became important to me. I can't imagine not having her to call when I wanted to cry or laugh about mom related things.
Being a mom often means feeling like a failure. It means second guessing yourself. It means questioning things that you said you would never do. It means sounding like your parents. It means wondering if they are eating enough vegetables. It means crying over breastfeeding. It means no sleep. It means being the bad guy. It means helping with homework. It means kissing boo boos. It means being hated. It means cheering on the sidelines. It means sleepy bedtime snuggles. It means being unfair. It means learning to love wine. It means play dates. It means potty training. It means getting in the pool. It means tieing shoes. It means stains. It means mini vans. It means G Rated Movies. It means knowing the theme song to Dora the Explorer. It means doctor appointments. It means wiping boogers. It means PTA meetings. It means babysitters. It means nights in with Netflix. It means midnight fever checks. It means fingerprints on windows. It means stretch marks. Bottom line... It means sacrifice.
I would walk over fiery coals just to walk across a bed of broken glass for those kids of mine.
Being a mom means everything to me. It means I have a purpose. Being a single mom means hoping and praying that one day, someone will love my kids as much as he loves me. It means praying that one day they will have a dad to look up too and learn from. Being a daughter means I have a mom who loves me. It means I am grateful for the relationship I have with my mom.
I have a lot of reasons to celebrate on Mother's Day, and I imagine that most people reading this probably do as well.
Dear Mothers -
You are enough. Don't forget that. You are amazing, and you deserve to be celebrated.
Blogger high fives and happiest Mother's Day wishes to all of you.
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