Praying the Lonely Away

Facebook is without a doubt the most used social media network today.  The website has appeal to people of all ages.  You can keep up to date on friends and family whom you don't see often.  You can share your accomplishments and proud moments with many people at once.  You can create events, business pages, groups, and just about anything you may have a need for... but you aren't always getting the true picture. Keeping in mind that what you see on Facebook, is exactly what that person WANTS the world to see, you have to remember that often times, things aren't always as they seem.

If I asked all of my Facebook friends to describe me using one word, I would probably get...

However, if you asked me to describe myself, you would hear...

Now, I know that we are always our worst critics, but do you notice how many more BAD personality traits I was able to come up with than good ones???  If I ever express the negative things that I hate most about myself, they look at me funny.  Why in the world would you say you are shy??  I am funny, sarcastic, and outgoing to cover up the fact that I AM INCREDIBLY SHY.  I am not good at meeting new people, and when I do it, I get incredibly nervous!!  However, being that what you see on Facebook, seems like reality, you would never know just how shy, how nervous, how LONELY, I truly get.  

One of my sweet friends messaged me today, and the message broke my heart.  She is one of the only people I have ever known, that truly understands how I feel day to day.  She has walked in my shoes, in every sense of the word.  She struggles with depression, she has fought many marriage battles, dealt with a tough relocation away from family, and the biggest piece to the puzzle... she is a special needs mom.

Her oldest child went to school for their first day today, and there was no celebration.  She got a phone call from a very harsh & inconsiderate teacher.  This teacher called her to let her know that her child was a "disruption" in class.  She was accused of not only forgetting to mention that her child was special needs to the teacher, but also for not dealing with the bad behavior.  

HEART BROKEN JESSICA

My first instinct was anger.  I love her child very much, and I know just what an amazing gift they really are. I have spent time with this child and with their family, and I know their strengths and weaknesses.  I wanted to protect this child, and my friend.  I wanted her to know that she is an incredible mother, and that this child is a blessing... but all I could get out was "Don't you pay for preschool??  This teacher needs to treat you both as equals."  Unfortunately, I was unable to convey my real feelings, and I hope that she reads them here!  

The sad truth is that this is the reality for most special needs moms at some point in our lives.  Sometimes, we live this moment over and over again.  Why is it so difficult for people to ATTEMPT to walk in my shoes for an hour???  Even those people who are closest too me, often forget that things in my world are challenging. They don't give my children the benefit of the doubt.  They don't give me the benefit of the doubt.  They make assumptions and judgments that only create hurt.  I am not asking for anyone to live their life so that mine can be easier.  It is unrealistic to expect my friends not to host a child's birthday party at Jumpology because my son can't walk, so we won't be able to participate.  However... it isn't unrealistic for me to hope that people can be considerate enough to know that it hurts when my almost 3 year old is compared to their 1 year old in a way that dumbs my child down.  Be considerate enough to know that I am a basket case daily because of dealing with constant sensory processing issues & a complete inability to communicate with my child.  Be considerate enough to call me, message me, just attempt to reach out... because being a special needs parent is incredibly lonely.  In fact, I have battled depression most of my life, and I can say with COMPLETE fact, I have never been lonelier than I am at this point in my life.  I feel left behind.  All of my friends who had children with no setbacks, just keep on hitting milestones.  They just keep on climbing the parental ladder, and the distance between us grows bigger and bigger.  

The point of this blog is NOT to point fingers at ANYONE in my life.  It is not to attack anyone or guilt them into feeling sorry for me.  I don't want pity!  I just want support, as does every mom living this type of life!  I guess the moral of this story is simple...

If you know someone, anyone, who is a special needs parent...

Remind them that they are important.  
Remind them that you are there.

Remind them that you haven't forgotten about them, 
and you support them.

Remember, WE NEED IT.

To the mom I mentioned above, I love you & your family.  I am praying for you.  Praying all of your lonely away.  I hope you can feel peace and lots of love.  HUGS & SUPPORT!!